I Fell Into Deep

ok, here is the thing.. i cant control myself for the last 2 weeks.. seems like all my hard work is falling apart, and the peak is tonight.. i promise to myself that i will not do it again, but i broke it.. great job!
the regrets always come late, and it doesnt matter again now.. i feel like it is nothing, nothing to worry about, nothing wrong, and nothing to change.. guess my feeling will not save me from my evil desired. talking to my BF the other seems never happened. i havent told him about this, since i am afraid to say it. it was embarassing enough for me to conffess it, and now i have to tell him that i fell again?

i feel so overwhelmed with this.. i want to stop.. i NEED TO STOP, I MUST STOP.. seems like writing it is the best way to make me remember how wrong it is to do "it".. please do stop.. listen to your heart.. remember all the regrets after you do it.. make it important and DONT EVER FEEL LIKE IT IS NOTHING.. DO SAVE YOURSELF.. only you who could do it..

LOVE YOUR OWN LIVE girl..
start a new day from now..

sincerely,
my future life

I want to add a new list for my blog. i called THE WISH LIST.

inside this post i will list things that i wish for my future.  Things that i wish will happened to me.

By doing this, i hope my mind will keep thinking about that wishes and try to make it come true.

I WISH MY WISHES WILL COME TRUE!

It Has Started

Here comes the day where everything needs to be in order. For the next month I am going to work on my last design project. It is due to 2nd of December, less than a month from now.

the progress so far is 40%, and i need to strart doing it now or i will be regreted for the rest of my life. i really want to get an A for this. I'm sorry if for several weeks in the future a cannot post anything to this blog, but i will do my best to keep you posted with my current condition.

everything must be right. everything must be at its best. and in the end, everything will be PAID OFF.

Let's roll... ;)

Confession Session

Today, 5th November 2011, is a new day for me. A new life has begun.

I made a confession to my Teddy about the "bad" me. The "bad" me often do "bad" habit to pleasure my self. I have tried so many time to redeem my self from it, but in the end I keep on failing. The thing that I made is bad enough till I put it in the SIN list. Yes, I feel so terrible and sinful after I do it. Sinful enough to make me feel worthless.

I am not so an religous person, but I do believe in God. I believe in sin, heaven and hell. And I also believe in KARMA. So, the first thing comes into my mind after I do "it" is I will get something bad later on. That thought haunting me like crazy. I made a confession to God and I promised NOT TO DO IT AGAIN. But you know what? After several shot, I failed.

After a week I got what I called "the KARMA" plus weird circumstances for tonight, I say, I want to confess it to my BF. I did, and I feel BETTER.

Lucky me, he didn't step away from me, instead he said "I accept you the way you are and I will always be". He also said, "I will help you through this problem and you will be free from it. Be good to yourself for me, please?" then he hugged me and wiped away my tears.

That is BIG for me.. When I confess something bad about me, I am afraid he will be backed off or stepped away from me, but HE DID NOT. He faced the truth, he takes the concequences and he will be my anchor for my struggles.

Thank you so much for it honey.. Thank you for listening to my problem. Thank you for willing to help me from this hell hole. Thank you, for EVERYTHING.

I LOVE YOU and I WILL ALWAYS BE

Sincerely,
YOUR LOVE

Fill In The Blank Friday!

This is the first time for me to try something like this, pairing up with another blog, do a continously post, so let's give it a try..

i'm pairing up with Lauren @ the little things we do

this post called "Fill in the Blank Friday", let's see what i have in my mind..

1. My favorite thing about this week was/is
I could went out with my mom yesterday. we did the groceries, looked up some clothes, shoes and she bought me MY FIRST MAKE UP KIT, a MASCARA. I guessed she thinks it is time for me to learn a bit about make up. THANKS MOM!

2. Colder weather makes me
Curled up under my blanket, drink a cup of hot choco and keep clicking up the TV's remote.

3. Three things that make me terribly happy as of late are
My dear boyfriend and my imaginations.

4. If I could only wear one kind of shoe for the rest of my life, I'd choose
either flat shoes or flip flop. I don't mind the style, it's my only shoes, who cares I look bad? LOL

5. My personality type is
Impulsive? Worry to much and a bit childish

6. I have a serious problem resisting
Resisting my self from continuosly watching the drama series. After I watch an episode, I keep watching another one and another one and another one. Keep telling to my self to stop, but I couldn't resist the curiosity. :P

7. My favorite color to wear is
Anything with bright colour for now. But I am thingking about change my style to be more mature. Should choose something look more grown up. I dress up like a 16 years old teenager in my 20.

Unchanged Days

Hello world, i'm stuck here.. :(

Here i am, spending my youth days in front of my computer, days by days, months by months, doing nothing but my final project. Dang! It really takes my time and energy to finish it off. It's like a never ending job, jeezzz...

Well, you know what? Probably it's just me who think too much about this and make it such a burden. If you compare me with my friend, i will be the geek one, literally. When i see my friends, i feel like they dont take it like i do. Do they feel the pressure, yes. Do they take it like i do, no babe i'm sorry, you are the geek one..

Yeah, maybe i'm taking it too seriously. But hey, this is the final project! Shouldnt i give my best effort? But in the other hand, do i think that should i'll be more relaxed, yes.. So, if it is like that, can you handle the pressure when you doing nothing? Nope, i feel like i'm dying.. Not touching the keyboard, and sees that black screen in a day feels like i have wasted my time.. What a geek i am..

But, in the end i know that i have to take a break for a while eventhough this pressure is chasing me everytime i looked up to my watch, just be more relaxed kid.. You'll make it, s o m e h o w..

Sincerely, playful me

Raining Days

well, raining season has come.. since i live in Bandung, indonesia, which only have 2 seasons either it's raining or summer you could say. for the past several days, the rain has come endlessly.

it's not that i hate rain, but since i use a motorcycle instead of a car, rain become my biggest enemy. you know how unlucky i am if i have to go home from my college in the middle of heavy rain? my pants and shoes are damn wet. the street are slippery. the other rider just going crazy because they also want to get home soon. And i use my raincoat like a delivery guy, going door to door to deliver the goods.

now, the sky is greyish, signs of rain will pour down soon. what a luck, i have class at 2pm, and i need to see my lecture before it to assist my last project. how am i going to the college? crap.. i guess i'll be the delivery guy again today..

rain oh rain.. why you come in the wrong time?
*sigh*

The Up Date Status

well, it has been a long time since my last post.. here i am, in my last year of college, full of assignment, especially my last project of designing.. NICE! the deadline is due to mid december, but i have to start work it out around... NEXT WEEK.. hhh.. here we come the sleepless nights..

anyway, i am planning to enrolled the US government program, for English languange program, where the participant can live in US for 8weeks for FREE!! WOHO!!! still need a lot of things to do, like do the arrengments, fulfill the letter of recommendation, get the TOEFL test result, etc. i hope they choose me and i can fly to US around March-August 2012.. Really really hope it could came true! *crossing my finger*

well, that's all for now. i need to work again, because this afternoon i will meet my lecturer for assisting my design.. hope everything is gonna be alright..

have a nice day!

Me After The Mid Test

hey everyone...!!! >_< first of all, i wanna apologize for my absent.. suddenly the passion to write wasnt there anymore, so, why not taking a break? but here i am.. enjoy the time of my life! XD suddenly i forgot what i want to write.. jeezz.. sorry, i am trying to put my self together.. okay, let's start.. the 6th semester is halfway done! say "HOORAY!".. yup, i just finished my mid term.. it was so much fun the exam is over, but that's also mean my holiday is over.. CRAP! maybe, for some people, having mid term is suck, but i'm sorry, for me, mid term is sort of like holiday.. hahaha.. because during mid term, there are no class, you just come to campus, do the test and go home, rest, and the play! so, there is no reason why i hate mid term! recently, i'm back to my old habits, reading comic books. yup, this time, it's KAICHOU WA MAID SAMA (KWMS)! it is japanesse comic (btw, sorry for the tsunami that attack japan, i hope they will recover soon.. *pray*).. why do i like that comic?? well, first of all, if i choose a comic, i see it from the drawing. if it is good, then i'll read it. if it is not, why would i read such a thing?? sorry.. second off all, i think the story line of KWMS is somehow different..

the story is about a girl, name AYUZAWA MISAKI, who become the school president in SEIKA HIGH SCHOOL, which was dominated by boys, uncontrollable, filthy and so on. but Misaki, want to change the atmosphere, so seika can attract more student next year, especially girl. She has a part time job as waitress in maid cafe, kind of a costplay cafe where the waitresses have to wear maid costum and also to call the customer with "master". this two different life of Misaki, put her in danger if her part time job was known by public.. (because working in maid cafe is kind like not a good thing for high school student)..
and there is also USUI TAKUMI, the misterious boy who able to do anything, good at school, sports, cooking, martial art, handsome, tall and many more.
Misaki used to call Usui PERVERTED ALIEN FROM OUTER SPACE. in the end, they like each other, they kiss and hug, but the demonish president still exist even after they going steady (in school and also to Usui). what a story.. =P the story become more fascinating when Misaki knew the truth about Usui lineage.. he is from a rich family, and Misaki from a poor one.. so, how will it end up? let's see and watch.. ENJOY! ;D

linkt to read the manga online : http://www.ourmanga.com/Kaichou_wa_Maid-sama
link to download the manga : http://www.mediafire.com/?ayl87y21pe4c2